Leap of Faith

I wanted to share something that my sister share just earlier today in an email, but I should really get permission first. This is from my sister who is the most eligible. I say this because I have two sisters who are married, one that has been seriously dating someone, and then another who isn't. I think that she is amazing, and her insights are amazing too. This is a story along with her insight at the bottom.

Okay, so this is the best part of my week. At work on Wednesday, after school and lunch, we were supposed to have horses group, but the schedule got changed around a little and we did RT first (that's recreational therapy). I never get to participate with my girls in RT because it is never on my shift and I was especially excited to do RT with them that day because we were going to be doing a part of the high ropes course, a task called the leap of faith. I had been wanting to do the high ropes course for a long time, despite my fears of it. So, each of my girls was supposed to climb to the top of a 20-30 ft totem pole, stand on top of it, do something that was a specific task for each of them and then jump and try to catch a trapeze. My task was to stand on one foot on top of the pole and tell a really big lie and then jump. Well, did I mention that I am very afraid of heights? Yeah, well I am...Very VERY afraid, but I wanted to do it because I have this big thing for over coming my fears (there is a book called feel the fear and do it anyway...I have never read it, but I think we all should do that). I climbed to the top of the 10 ft ladder and then started up the pole on these little pegs. It was really scary for me and I would go until I couldn't go any further because I was shaking so bad and I would stop and breath deeply until I had my shaking under control and then I would keep going. I had to do this 2 times going up. Then the last part, I had to get on top of the pole with nothing to help me, nothing that I could grab onto and not much space for me even to stand. I had my arms around the pole and knew that I couldn't go up any further and was shaking so badly. I breathed, but still couldn't go on like I had been able to with just the climbing. Despite the fact this this was really not that important of a thing, it was just a task to do with my girls, I really wanted to accomplish it, despite that fact that my fears would not allow me to continue with the task. So I prayed. I had recently been studying about the enabling power of the atonement and had come to understand that the atonement gives us the capacity to do things that without it, we are not able to do at all, things that are important for us to do. Now I recognize that in the eternal scheme of things, getting on top of this pole was of little consequence, but it was really important for me, but like I said, fear paralyzed me so much that this task was beyond my capacity. I prayed that I would be able to do this through the power of the atonement and I was able to get a knee of top and then I was able to get a foot of top, praying the entire time that I would be able to accomplish this thing. All I had left to do was get from my knee onto my foot and stand and I would be able to do the rest. I told everyone down at the bottom that I didn't think I could do it though, and I really didn't think I could, I was so scared. All my girls and staff and therapists that were there started cheering me on, telling me that I could do it. Now here is the funny thing. I am very much a social person. I love people and I want to be around people and have them to support me, but at this time of intense fear, I didn't want them there cheering me on, I just wanted my Father's help, so I asked them to please be quiet for a moment and I pleaded with my Father to help me do this impossible task. I started to get to my other foot, but I made a mistake and I grabbed the rope that was connected to my harness. Because I did this, I ended up pulling myself off the pole and not only that, but I sent myself into an out of control spin and I almost hit the pole a couple of times. The lady belaying me though kept me from hitting the pole and lowered me and some people at the bottom caught me so I stopped spinning and my belayer let me down. When I was on my feet on the ground though, I was so dizzy that I had to kneel down to get a hold of myself till I wasn't so dizzy.

So this is what I realized as I reflected on this experience on my way home. We are asked to do so many things in this life that are difficult for us. We are asked to climb poles that we don't have the capacity to climb on our own, poles that scare us so much that we become paralyzed. However, just like the belayer and the rope, Father in Heaven holds us up and keeps us safe as He gives us the strength to do things that we cannot do. Sometimes though, we make mistakes and we do things that we have been told not to do and because we forget what we have been told because of fear or stupidity, we throw ourselves off the pole we have been asked to climb and we throw ourselves into an uncontrollable spin, but Father still catches us and prevents us from killing or seriously injuring ourselves, both physically and spiritually. We still have to live with the consequences of our mistakes and in order to complete the task we have been given, we have to begin that climb all over again and keep doing it until we can get it right, but He is always there holding us up, and He puts people there at the bottom to help us stop spinning so that we can be on safe ground again. It's not just the jump off the pole that matters, the entire climb is a leap of faith, but when we put our faith and trust in Him, He helps us to keep going and He keeps us safe and He gives us the capacity to do things that we have absolutely no ability to do. I love my Father for what He has given me through the atonement.


Here is an expansion of this and my own story...I had the chance to do the same thing at the Clas Action Ropes Course, it was a 40 ft pole, and I don't think it had a name, but it was way up there, and at the top there was a ring to catch a hold of, it was way out there, in fact, I don't know how far it was but much too far to reach it, you had to jump for it. I have never really had a hard time with heights, you know roofing and all, however, over the last few years though, I have had a much harder time with it. In fact there have been a couple of times that I have actually gotten queasy just looking over the edges of whatever. So I am climbing up and did just fine with that, but got to the top and froze, I kept looking down and I couldn't do it. I was terrified, but "knew" that I shouldn't be because I was harnessed in. I had seen several people jump and miss it (the ring), or after they had jumped were lowered to the ground when they let go. So I knew there was nothing to be afraid, but I was still scared. They started to cheer me on, and I said, OK just let me gather myself, and be quiet. They were nice enough to be quiet and let me gather my thoughts. I focused on the ring and I "saw" myself jumping, reaching the ring and grabbing on to it "spiritually" so-to-speak you know in my mind. So then I quieted myself a moment longer, and then I jumped. I did catch the ring and hung on for dear life, not because I was scared any longer, but to savor the moment, ALL of my fear was gone, the adrenaline had of course kicked up several notches and I can still remember it like it was yesterday. Finally I let go and was brought safely to the ground. I had conquered the pole!

Here are a few of my own insights on the same...I believe that we are all "harnessed in" by what our Savior has done for each of us, he is the person belaying and the gospel is the harness. He protects us from any drop, ledge or precipice from getting hurt/killed, as long as we follow exactly as we have been taught, unfortunately we are kind of like my sister sometimes, we choose to do things too close to the edge. We chose to go up on top of a pole that is way up there that has no real protections from anything, except the harness. Some of us are even more than dumb and we take the harness off while up there, or at the bottom, and we give up all hope. Sometimes we listen to the people at the bottom and we get offended and then we take off the harnesses of the gospel and we leave the church/jump. Sometimes we say there is no reason to go to church, "because I feel closer to my God when I am fishing, etc." Well living the gospel isn't easy, it isn't meant to be, do you think that you can actually become more like God from something that is easy? You aren't necessarily supposed to feel the spirit all of the time or as much as you might occasionally feel while fishing. But here is a question for you, when was the last time that you went fishing and you had the opportunity to renew all of your covenants with our Heavenly Father? You didn't because you cannot. THAT is the entire reason why we go to church on Sundays. There are other benefits too, just like there are many benefits for fishing, but none of them compare to what the sacrament does for us. It allows us to be "as if we were" baptized every Sunday and made clean again, made whole.

Sister and I took two different kinds of approaches on the same thing, she mentions that we are asked to do hard things, and I mention that sometimes we go to the edge of temptation or sin. Either way we have the opportunity to be harnessed in by the gospel of our Savior Jesus Christ, and belayed by the best person to do the job, the only perfect person, Jesus Christ himself. I know that we all can receive the empowering effects of Faith so that we can conquer whatever challenges that we get to face, and that we can receive all of the benefits of the Sanctifying effects of the Atonement while coming back from almost killing ourselves spiritually from temptation and sin. This is all more than real, it is true! I know that He lives and that he loves you and that he loves me.

BTW Sister just called me on the phone and gave me permission to share this with everyone.