Visiting UT and Future Plans

Hey Look, I am posting something

Melanie, and the kids are doing really well visiting everyone down in UT. Thank you for all of your love show and expressed to her. I have been loving the time alone up here as I never get alone time, however it is time for them to come back... NOW...just kidding. I am starting to really miss all three of them though, it makes me appreciate the messy house a little bit more when I come home at night. Because it really gets boring to come home to a clean home every day, when I left it that way before. I guess I never know what I will come home to when they are all here and that makes it exciting. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that the house is always messy, Melanie does a fantastic job of keeping it clean most of the time. Have you ever seen how my daughter has two modes only... Super-fast-destroyer-of-all-that-is-reachable (which is just about everything now because she is part ape), and asleep.

Some of you may not know this and so to let you know, I am going back to school in September, I have been accepted to WSU and to CBC the local community college. I have decided to become a Nurse Anesthetist. So I have chosen to go to CBC as it will save me about $20,000 and allow me to work after becoming an RN. I have one year that I have to wait as I missed the deadline by a day, so that will allow me to take a couple of classes to catch back up on things and then go into the Nursing program. It is apparently a very competitive and well respected program. Then I will go on to WSU to do their RN to BSN program while I am still able to work. Which will allow me to get the necessary experience before moving on to a Nurse Anesthetist program. So we will be up here in WA for at least 5 more years and then on to some school. There are several schools around the country that teach that masters program so we don't know what will happen at that point.

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

A great quote from an intense show, even for the edited version! But I'll turn it into a question instead of a statement.  "Can I handle the truth?"

Through recent experiences, I had decided that I would like people in my life, all of my relationships; family & friends etc. to just be plain English HONEST with me.  No beating around the bush, no passive aggressiveness, no sugar coating it, just really say it how it is.  The TRUTH.  Meaning, have I offended you, and if yes, then tell me about it to my face.  Or if I've just done things that bother you or have you felt manipulated or used or whatever else I may have done, TELL me!  I've wanted ALL of my relationships to be open.  Really Open. So that I have a chance to change it. I've wanted to know if I've been showing up for you in the way that you deserve?  I've had this on my mind for several months now.  I've been doing a lot of soul searching and stretching to look at my relationships from the other person's perspective.  I have to say that its been difficult for me. I've seen myself in ways that I really don't like.  I'm not good at putting myself in other's shoes I'm usually too busy thinking about how I feel.  I've made harsh judgments on those that mean the most to me.  I've had a major superiority complex of thinking that I do things the "right" way...just thinking about it makes me want to gag.  I've told myself so many stories of how things are and should be in life and if anyone did them differently that they are wrong.  I judged others by their actions and myself by my intentions...not really fair huh!.  Wow...how's this for honesty?    But, luckily I've recognized it and so now I'm committed to live life differently.  I have to admit though, that I find myself being terribly embarrassed.  Its the same feeling like being in a dream and interacting with people only to realize that I'm naked.  Thinking...why didn't someone TELL me to put some clothes on...or in real life slap me and tell me not to be so judgmental...but in further reflection, they probably did, SEVERAL times but I was so blind and so "righteous" that I wouldn't listen.  Ugh!  In light of this reflection its made me think...if I'm seeing myself this way...would I really be open to hearing from EVERYONE how THEY feel I've treated them, how I've used them, or neglected them, or manipulated or taken advantage or taken for granted or any other dirty words? So here's my answer... I believe that if it were done gently and individually that I would be able to.  Why do I want this?  Because I want my relationships to run deep, I'm done with superficiality.  I want my relationships to know that I've got their back and that if I have a concern that I'll take it to the source.  I want my relationships to know that their name and reputation are safe in me and that only their strengths are spoken of.  Am I perfect in this...LOL don't make me laugh.  But its what I'm committed to.  Now the hard part...inspiring those relationships in my life to open up to me.  As my sister has told me over and over again...everyone has their own timing.  I get to just wait and be inviting and let them come to me.  So this is me....waiting...patiently....well sort of patiently.  ;)