Letting Go, can it be done?

Some time back I made a decision that I have not been happy with, at all, ever since.  I sold my truck.  Melanie and I had decided to sell it to help out with some of our bills, but I "knew" that it was a bad decision for me at least...I wanted to help cover some of the bills, but the truck has been reliable and a great vehicle for me.  Plus it has given me some freedom.  For some reason I "need" a vehicle to feel free, instead of stuck.  I know that this is just victim mentality, but it is the way that I have felt.  So I was reflecting back on this decision and the subsequent ones made because of it, and thought, how can I let go of these feelings, how can I rid myself of the cancer that is plaguing me?  Before I get to that part, I will share the whole story so that you can at least see where I am coming from.

I sold my truck, we paid our bills, yahoo.  I have a job that is catching us up on things and we decided that I deserved a new mode of transportation before school starts.  So I find a 1992 VW Golf that looks really cool and we travel up to Spokane as a family.  I drove the car around the block and it felt a little rough but figured that it would all work out.

I buy the car and go to fuel up the car before driving back home the 2.5 hours that it will take.  So of course while fueling the car I shut the door, forgetting that the guy who owned the car previously decided to shave the door handles and not put in another way to get into the car instead.  I had just locked myself out of my own car even though I had a key to the car.  I go to open the rear hatch and the push button doesn't work.  After about 10 minutes I figure out how to get into the car.  Shh it's still a secret.

We head over to get some oil because it is leaking pretty badly, so I pick up 12 quarts.  Okay it isn't a pretty bad leak, it is more like a sieve.  We start going and make it about 2 minutes down the road and I look back in the mirror and notice Melanie waving me over.  Only moments before that there was smoke that was starting to come into the car, smoking Josh and I out.  I pull over and she says there is a huge pool draining behind you.  I look and sure enough, on the hill going down is a steam from the car.  I open the hood and turn the car on again and notice that the car is SHOOTING gas out of the engine, I find the leak and fix it...a hose had come loose.  We start going again and the smoke is getting pretty bad, and then goes away, must have been left over gas burning up.  (I named her Night Fury after this episode).

We make it out to the freeway and I think, oh good we are finally on our way, as I try to accelerate the car gets more and more sluggish and so I pull over again, (we aren't really even off of the on ramp yet), open the hood and there is antifreeze shooting out of the car now that it is warm enough.  I decide that the best thing to do is leave the car there and go and get a tow strap to tow the thing home.  So we head over to Walmart (thank goodness for phones with GPS, remember I don't know this town and have never been here before) to pick up a tow strap.  I grab the wrong one but don't realize it till I get out to the car and start going.  I go back in return the thing and get the right one.  So it has now probably taken me about 20 - 40 minutes since we left the other car.  We are now ready to be heading home.

We go out to the freeway and there is no car there. The car has been stolen...or something, I call the police and they tell me that they have impounded the car, apparently there are immediate tow away zones and I happened to find one of them.  I call the tow shop and they are closed and it will cost an extra $80 or so to get the car now, on top of whatever the fee was going to be.

I had brought up a little extra from our account, based on a feeling that Melanie had had.  But all of the rest of the money from that account was exhausted.  I had an emergency account with plenty of money in it, but since it was an emergency money account we didn't want immediate access to it, we figured that 3 days would be plenty of time to get to it, so there was no debit card attached to it and it was a local credit union 2+ hours away...Clearly we hadn't thought that one through all the way.  This is probably a good time to mention that Melanie actually didn't want to come up, she said it just didn't feel right, but we decided that if we came up and it still didn't feel right we wouldn't buy the car.  By this point we had already bypassed that point and owned the car...Some things I just like learning the hard way, you know having a doctorate degree in the school of hard knocks.

So it is getting late and the kids are hungry and we decide to stay the night...if we can find a place that will take cash and only about $50 because that is all we would have to pay after the other fees.  We find a little place that has a queen bed and a continental breakfast for that much and they are willing to take cash if we put a card on file, so we did that.  We had a great time there and jumped on the bed and sang songs and read stories.  We also grabbed some food for tomorrow, the motel had a fridge and microwave, so it worked out really well.  The next day we decided to go around town and see what there was after checking out the situation for the car.

The tow place was really nice and told me that I had better not tow strap the car home as that was a $500 fine, she recommended that I find someone to assist me with that.  Since I worked for a car dealership I called them to see if they would have room on one of their trucks coming back from Spokane, they did and it was only going to cost about $100 to do that so I was excited.  I thought that this is all going to work out.  The lady called me back and told me that the car had to be running and working for them to do that, I thought okay, I will just go and get the car on and we will be fine.  The car wouldn't start now.  So I had to find a different way for the car that would be known as Night Fury, it is black and smoked and shot out gas instead of fire.  I finally found another way that would work but it was going to cost me $250 to get it home instead.  I got that all arranged and the impound place didn't charge any extra for keeping the car there a couple of extra days so that was nice.

We went around Spokane and found some really fun things to do there with the kids.  We really had a great time, we found a Ginormous Radio Flyer red wagon to play on where the handle was a huge slide for all of us to go down.  We had such a great time spending time as a family going up there.  We even went and got Froyo Yogurt or something like that, and really enjoyed that time there.  It was stressful the night before trying to get everything to work out.

So I have learned a couple of things from this experience that I would like to share.  First when your wife says she has a bad feeling about something, there may be a reason for it.  Even if you don't listen, things will always work out, and may provide you with some much needed family time, even if it is "forced."  We would have been better off following her promptings because now I have a car, that if it had worked, it would have been a good price, but now since I have added an extra $500+ and it doesn't work...doesn't seem like such a good price for the car, I don't think that there is a way that I could sell it for even what I bought it for, since it isn't running.

The main point of this article though is this:  Is it possible to let go of what has happened in the past?, and then I think an appropriate follow up question is can I now move forward and not get stuck from that experience?  So my own answers are yes it is possible to let go of the past and even possible to not get stuck.  We get to learn and grow, and let go and know.

As a follow up for this, I was able to sell the car recently to a young man and his father for $100 less than I originally bought the car for.  So yes I am out the $600, however that was worth it for the family experience that we got to have in Spokane, and the lesson learned in this purchase.  What a great experience to get to go through and learn all kinds of fun things.

My New Adventure in my New Blog

Though I will still be posting to this blog, I've decided to start a new blog that is separate from the family blog, dedicated specifically to document my growth in experimenting with agency and my results from my choices in all aspects of my life.  Also to be able to have your feedback to expand my learning because your experiences will be different than mine.  So please, come on over to my new blog at agencymypersonalpower.blogspot.com and be willing to share your own insights there in the comments!  I have a feeling that this is going to be an amazing journey!


Thanks for joining me!

Sincerely,

Melanie

Visiting UT and Future Plans

Hey Look, I am posting something

Melanie, and the kids are doing really well visiting everyone down in UT. Thank you for all of your love show and expressed to her. I have been loving the time alone up here as I never get alone time, however it is time for them to come back... NOW...just kidding. I am starting to really miss all three of them though, it makes me appreciate the messy house a little bit more when I come home at night. Because it really gets boring to come home to a clean home every day, when I left it that way before. I guess I never know what I will come home to when they are all here and that makes it exciting. Don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that the house is always messy, Melanie does a fantastic job of keeping it clean most of the time. Have you ever seen how my daughter has two modes only... Super-fast-destroyer-of-all-that-is-reachable (which is just about everything now because she is part ape), and asleep.

Some of you may not know this and so to let you know, I am going back to school in September, I have been accepted to WSU and to CBC the local community college. I have decided to become a Nurse Anesthetist. So I have chosen to go to CBC as it will save me about $20,000 and allow me to work after becoming an RN. I have one year that I have to wait as I missed the deadline by a day, so that will allow me to take a couple of classes to catch back up on things and then go into the Nursing program. It is apparently a very competitive and well respected program. Then I will go on to WSU to do their RN to BSN program while I am still able to work. Which will allow me to get the necessary experience before moving on to a Nurse Anesthetist program. So we will be up here in WA for at least 5 more years and then on to some school. There are several schools around the country that teach that masters program so we don't know what will happen at that point.

"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

A great quote from an intense show, even for the edited version! But I'll turn it into a question instead of a statement.  "Can I handle the truth?"

Through recent experiences, I had decided that I would like people in my life, all of my relationships; family & friends etc. to just be plain English HONEST with me.  No beating around the bush, no passive aggressiveness, no sugar coating it, just really say it how it is.  The TRUTH.  Meaning, have I offended you, and if yes, then tell me about it to my face.  Or if I've just done things that bother you or have you felt manipulated or used or whatever else I may have done, TELL me!  I've wanted ALL of my relationships to be open.  Really Open. So that I have a chance to change it. I've wanted to know if I've been showing up for you in the way that you deserve?  I've had this on my mind for several months now.  I've been doing a lot of soul searching and stretching to look at my relationships from the other person's perspective.  I have to say that its been difficult for me. I've seen myself in ways that I really don't like.  I'm not good at putting myself in other's shoes I'm usually too busy thinking about how I feel.  I've made harsh judgments on those that mean the most to me.  I've had a major superiority complex of thinking that I do things the "right" way...just thinking about it makes me want to gag.  I've told myself so many stories of how things are and should be in life and if anyone did them differently that they are wrong.  I judged others by their actions and myself by my intentions...not really fair huh!.  Wow...how's this for honesty?    But, luckily I've recognized it and so now I'm committed to live life differently.  I have to admit though, that I find myself being terribly embarrassed.  Its the same feeling like being in a dream and interacting with people only to realize that I'm naked.  Thinking...why didn't someone TELL me to put some clothes on...or in real life slap me and tell me not to be so judgmental...but in further reflection, they probably did, SEVERAL times but I was so blind and so "righteous" that I wouldn't listen.  Ugh!  In light of this reflection its made me think...if I'm seeing myself this way...would I really be open to hearing from EVERYONE how THEY feel I've treated them, how I've used them, or neglected them, or manipulated or taken advantage or taken for granted or any other dirty words? So here's my answer... I believe that if it were done gently and individually that I would be able to.  Why do I want this?  Because I want my relationships to run deep, I'm done with superficiality.  I want my relationships to know that I've got their back and that if I have a concern that I'll take it to the source.  I want my relationships to know that their name and reputation are safe in me and that only their strengths are spoken of.  Am I perfect in this...LOL don't make me laugh.  But its what I'm committed to.  Now the hard part...inspiring those relationships in my life to open up to me.  As my sister has told me over and over again...everyone has their own timing.  I get to just wait and be inviting and let them come to me.  So this is me....waiting...patiently....well sort of patiently.  ;)      

Rewards for Bad behavoir

Lately, I've been a bum...a lazy bum that is and I've watched a lot of TV.  Among several shows I've watched Biggest Loser and HEAVY and just the other night I was watching Clean House.  I've been fascinated with the shows and reflecting on the type of mentality that it took for these people to get into the situation that they are in.  Here's my little disclaimer: I know that there is a lot of pain and abuse etc that exists and I honor those that are seeking help for their addictions. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there to get help especially in a very public way.  My thought for the title of this post stems from my own green envy: jealousy.  And it comes from ingratitude as well but here it is...my inner most personal thoughts for ya'll to read.
  Basically, I've really been wanting a gym membership and a personal trainer to assist me in overcoming my own addictions of sugar and idleness, I REALLY want some new clothes and some things for the house to make it more beautiful.  But in order to have some outside assistance I'd have to be really extreme...ya know over 300 lbs or be a horder or something.  In the Clean House Episode they were doing the messiest house in America.  Every room had stuff piled up waist high, once they got it all cleaned out, they found $5000 worth of spare change/dollar bills in there tiny house.  WHAT?!  Their "yard sale" filled a 10k sq ft warehouse and they made 19k from it.  Then they got to have their ENTIRE house made over.  This is what I mean by being rewarded for bad behavior.  Who wouldn't like to have someone come into their place and do a complete remodel, especially while you're in a hotel?!  I realize they do a lot of the work too, but really??  How do you come to live like that in the first place?  I know, I know...let me call the Wambulance on myself.  Whoa is me that I'm not getting what I want right now...but here's where my years of business/mental toughness comes in....GO AND CREATE WHAT YOU WANT...YOU HAVE THE TOOLS SO STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND MAKE IT HAPPEN...TAKE ACTION TODAY!  EVERY DAY!  This is where I reflect on all the tools that I've been given and it shakes me up a bit.  I get to be accountable for how I've created my own current situation.  30-35lbs overweight (depending on the week); Addicted to sugar; Addicted to idleness; I have created all of this.  Which puts me in a great position of being the one to get me out of it, of course with the Lord's help.  I do have the ability to reach my goals.  Its just a matter of consistency.  So...1st steps first.  I get to create a vision board of exactly what it is that I want to create in my life...I'll keep you updated on how its going.  In the mean time...I'm going to get off the computer and go organize my food storage shelves!  Have a wonderful day! 

Valentine's Day

Having a 6 almost 7 yr old little romeo made Valentine's extra special.  Josh asked me the night before if I'd be his Valentine...who can resist that?  His next question was, "So what are you going to do for me?"  Haha  I told him that I would make him and Daddy and very special Valentine's Dinner.  So I made steak and baked potato wedges with steamed broccoli and for dessert we had hand dipped chocolate strawberries.  It was a fun and easy meal to make and then the boys did the dishes.  Because it was Valentine's FHE, I did a very short lesson on "Love" that our Savior has for us by using the song "Love One Another" and the scriptures that go with it.  For the activity I made a Valentine's Memory game.  It was simple and made a hit with Josh.  So I was pleased.  Jason had the day off so we got to hang out.  It was really nice.  I'm glad there's a day to celebrate love.  Even if you don't have a "lover" there's always someone to love and serve!  So...who did you get to serve on Valentine's Day?    

This one's just for me....warning...its a REALLY long post!

I was on facebook a couple of weeks ago and there was an advertisement on the sidebar for Macy's Million Dollar Makeover.  I decided what the heck, its worth looking into.  So I applied.  I have to say that it was one of the funnest applications I've ever filled out, so just for me, I want to record my responses here on the blog, to give me something to look back on and have a great "gut" laugh at myself.  I realize with all of the millions that applied, its really about who has the biggest sob story.  So I'm taking a safe bet and saying that I won't be chosen, but it was fun to fill it out anyway.

Current Job Title & Responsibilities: Domestic Engineer

General Operations Management of Crane household including but not limited to: Schedule Coordinator, Accounts Payable, Chef extraordinaire, tutor, teacher, activities director, cleaning and maintenance coordinator, Historian, resident expert in Child development,  Dental Hygienist, Family Nurse, Massage therapist, Singer, Dancer, human jungle gym and tickle monster.  

How would you describe your personal sense of style?

My sense of style consists mainly of the classic “preppy “or business style clothing.  Button up or knit shirts, black slacks etc.   As a mom, it’s usually jeans and T-shirts. I've liked these styles mainly b/c they’re simple and I can do it VERY cheaply.  However, I've really wanted to expand my wardrobe.  Wait! Let me rephrase that, I'd like to actually HAVE a wardrobe, yes, I'd like more than 5 shirts to choose from and more than 4 pairs of pants, COUNT THEM, yes you heard or rather read correctly... I didn't forget a zero on the end of that 4.  I recently went into Buckle with a friend and found myself laughing while reading the price tags.  I've never purchased an item of clothing that was more than $25 besides dresses or formals from high school.  The most expensive items I own are my $100 running shoes, but I traded for them, so that doesn't really count.  I am very open to suggestions; I've just never been able to justify paying an arm and leg for clothes.

How would your peers describe your personal sense of style?

I just recently moved from UT to WA, and my new friends/peers here are very well dressed.  The majority of their closets come from Buckle or other stores like unto it. SOOO...they would probably say my sense of style is, uhhh BORING!!! (DR, she’s flat-lining, quick get the paddles!)  As mentioned above, I was in Buckle with my friend and I was telling her that I wouldn't even know how to put the whole layering thing together.  She said that "when you're ready, I'm here to help!"  HAHA...yes this girl needs a LOT of help!

Describe your wardrobe collection

Well, this won't take long.  I have 2 pairs of jeans that I got at a 2nd hand store.  I have a pair of black polyester/cotton capris and 1 pair of black dress slacks.  I have 3 sweaters, 1 knit top, 1 nylon/spandex top (all purchased at either Wal-mart or Target).  I have a few other items for work out clothes and stuff but that's it.  Now, if that doesn't have you excited, then my VAST array of shoes should do it for you.  I have 1 pair of flip flops, 1 pair of running shoes, 1 pair of black pumps, 1 pair of black boots, and 1 pair of black loafers.   All but the running shoes were purchased at Payless or 2nd hand stores.  I have 2 dresses and 3 skirts that I alternate wearing to church on Sundays.  I have 1 nylon scarf and a red sash that I wear to try and dress things up a bit.  As for jewelry, I have 2 pairs of earrings that I alternate between and 3 necklaces.  That is the extent of my "collection"  haha if you can call it that.  :D

What is missing from your current wardrobe collection

I don't think there is enough space in this little box to answer this question. :D What my wardrobe lacks is DIVERSITY!  What would be AWEsome (The AWE is sung) to have in my wardrobe starting off is a red pair of 3" heels.  Every girl deserves that!  I would love some pieces that are a little vintage style (as in Audrey Hepburn), I'm kinda diggin that right now.  I would like all different types of clothes that could go with my mood, like if I'm feeling really classy and I want to dress up, I want pieces that look elegant with COLOR and style.  If I'm feeling sassy and/or sexy, I want something that I can wear that's says, "Now there's someone to go have fun with!", that would make my hubby have a coy grin on his face all night and have him telling me over and over how HOT I look. ;) Seriously, as long as it has capped sleeves, isn't too low cut and goes to my knees when I sit down, (otherwise known as modest) then I am an open canvas ready to be painted!

Has your existing wardrobe presented itself as a challenge in your day to day life?

The question above for the value of my wardrobe would probably be more like under $300, and that's being VERY generous.  For the day to day, I'm just really not a high maintenance girl, I have a 21 mon old little girl that usually slimes me every day, so I wouldn't want to be hanging here at home in $150 pants and $80 shirt, however I have some really great friends here that like to go out and do lunch and movies, date nights and parties so not having a variety of clothes to choose from gets really depressing!   (insert big pouty lip frowny face)

Describe your dream job and what is preventing you from doing it

My dream is to be a professional motivational speaker/singer. I especially love working with youth.  I am a passionate person with a zest for life.  I have been called "Pollyanna" on more that one occasion.  I have done a lot of personal development and love to share what I have learned as I experience it more in my own life.  God has given me a gift in music and I want to share that gift with as many people as possible.  I'd love to be a life coach and assist people in going after their dreams.  What's preventing me? Well exposure for one thing, but also I would deserve to have further training in public speaking and vocal coaching.  And $$ is a big factor for me...I'm still working on the "positive" attraction to it and feeling like I deserve it.  -How's that for being honest and accountable? :D  I'm currently in voice lessons and I study almost daily on positive mentality.  I'm blessed to be where I'm at and I'll bloom where I'm planted!

Describe any interesting jobs you've ever had

1^st The entire summer before my senior year of high school, I got to be my nephew's nanny.  I got to attend his birth and it was such an amazing experience.  He was only 6 weeks old when I started taking care of him. I had him for 8-10 hours a day 5 days a week.  It was so great being his Nanny, and my nephew and I still have a great bond today. 2nd, I’m a Massage Therapist.  I LOVE ( insert operatic overtures) this line of work.  It’s very rewarding. My talent of healing is another gift from God. I've been told by many, many clients that of all their massage experience, I'm the best they've ever had.  It’s very humbling.  So when would you like to schedule an appointment? Heehee

How would your peers describe you?

Hmm...my blood pressure just went up a bit, this is the kind of question that I've asked my friends before and they've described me but when its me being put on the spot of saying how they would describe me, even though this is the same answers they've given me, in the back of my mind I’m hoping they still agree and would back me up.  haha! So here goes...  happy, outgoing, kind, silly, fun, crazy, playful, great singer, compassionate, ray of sunshine, beautiful inside and out, true friend, generous, serving, thoughtful, a big kid, sincere, inspiring, powerful, leader.

How would your family describe you? 

Quoted directly from my husband "SUNSHINE!, vivacious, optimistic, spring in a wintry world, likes to be in the spotlight".  My 7 year old son would probably describe me as beautiful (because he tells me a lot), fun, a great cook, but also grumpy sometimes!  ;)   My extended family, would probably describe me as positive, loving, energetic, happy, thoughtful, good listener, passionate, definitely loves being the center of attention, beautiful, great singer, and playful.  

How would you describe yourself? 
My personal mantra is that "I am a powerful, inspiring loving woman of light.  Through being a powerful inspiring, loving woman of light, I bring joy, passion and forgiveness creating a world that glorifies God in unity." I am passionate about learning and growing,   I thrive on serving others.  I'm very affectionate and hug everyone, including strangers.  I'm not afraid to talk to ANYONE; and I LOVE (you should get the singing by now) to LAUGH!!! I recognize my weaknesses and the limitations I’ve put on myself and I’m committed to stretch and grow beyond my comfort zone everyday so I can make a difference in the world.   My mission in life is to raise my beautiful children to be the leaders they are; to be the most amazing wife to my wonderful husband and to be love, compassion, strength, and light to those around me. And to do it all with LAUGHTER and joy!

What is your proudest moment in life?

I'd have to say that I have 2 proudest moments, because in those two moments, I felt 100% Loved, and 100% successful, and that is describing the births of my two beautiful children.  I was able through the assistance of my sweetheart, my massage therapist, my doula, and my sister as well as the support of the medical teams and close family to have 2 amazing, un-medicated natural deliveries.  Both experiences changed my life forever.  I felt strong, I felt peace, and exhilaration in working with my body to allow these miracles to happen the way they did.  It was AWEsome! (again the awe in sung ;)   


Describe the most important person in your life

My sweetheart and best friend, my husband Jason is the most important person in my life.  He is so selfless and hardworking.  He's a great listener and communicator.  He's funny and playful and HOT.  He's an amazing dad, with 2 kids that absolutely adore him!  He's forgiving and compassionate.  He’s loving and kind.  He's opinionated but open to hearing other's opinions.  He admits when he's wrong.  He's usually the 1st to apologize when we have a fight.  He's trustworthy.  He believes in me and encourages me.  He stretches me.  He has a HUGE heart!  He loves me. :D I could go on for days. ;D  I'm so blessed to have him in my life.  We are both passionate so we fight with passion and we love with passion.  ;) He's so fun to talk to! He's my handy man, my jack of all trades!  He just has to pick up a book and read how to do something and then he does it.  I don't even have to ask him to take out the trash... ok, so most of the time anyway ;) I know, you can hardly wait to meet him huh!? 


Where do you see yourself in 2 years?
I see myself in a new house, that's fully finished and furnished from top to bottom. It's beautifully landscaped yard is breathtaking.  It has a big back yard that we can play football and basketball and soccer and hide-n-seek in.  I see me in my kitchen making delicioso and nutritious meals, with the aroma of honey wheat bread baking in the oven.  I see me at 130lbs working with my personal trainer and playing with the kids with almost as much energy as they have.  I see my sweetheart and I looking hot as we go on our weekly date squeezed in between his schedule of work and classes.  I see me giving lectures on taking action in life with a positive mentality and singing inspirational songs to lift those attending.  I see myself surrounded by beautiful and inspiring people that assist me in my own growth....I'm excited!!!

What do you need to do to get there?
In order to get there, I get to write down and read my goal$ and take committed action on them every day.  I would like a mentor to be accountable to who will $tretch me. I get to attract the $$$ to purcha$e a home, Realtor & an interior designer to put the house together and decorate it. I get to find audience$ to $ing/$peak to;  . I get to $tudy great leader$ and leader$hip. I get to use my pa$$ion and drive to follow through and $$$, did I mention $$$?  :D    

Can you give us an example of an obstacle you currently face that winning this makeover would be able to help?

In being a presenter, especially someone that's not well known, I deserve to show the world what and who I am on the inside, with the grace and elegance of allowing my inner beauty to reflect on the outside of me.  I get to go after and reach my dreams, if I want to coach others to do the same!  But its hard to take myself serious when my shoes are falling apart because they're so old and my clothes say "Salami Mommy" instead of "mystique & chic"!

What community service have you been involved in?

Once a week for last 2 school years, I have assisted in my son's classrooms.  Just this week, our family went to an assisted living facility to sing and dance for them. For the last 3 years I've worked with young women in my church in assisting them in reaching their goals.  Last November I made brownies for our family to take to our local fire dept to show our appreciation for their service in our community.  I assisted my neighbor by cleaning her entire house when I found out her brother had been killed.  I make meals and bread for our neighbors all the time.  Service is a HUGE part of my life.  I look for opportunities daily to serve others and get my kids involved and we do it as a family.  It’s amazing.  

What area of your life needs a makeover? 
Finances would be the #1 factor.  Two job losses in 2 years has been a huge burden.  We are still drowning.  We're barely keeping our car from being repossessed and up on rent and utilities.  Thankfully we have a lot of food storage so we've been able to minimize our spending on groceries.  So if we could just get caught up and have an emergency fund again, it would be heavenly!  Obviously my wardrobe definitely needs some assistance! I've grown my hair out and I'm learning how to take care of long locks with out looking like a pioneer woman (ya know, bun in the day, braids at night, like Laura Ingles).  I'd love tips on skin care, mainly a good inexpensive moisturizer and make up tips to bring out my natural beauty.  My body deserves a make over. Being 30 lbs overweight is very doable to correct.  I would use a trainer and nutritionist!  My home is laughable by it mismatched furniture, but it’s filled with love so we're grateful.
   
If you won what would you splurge on?I dare to dream so here it is!...I’d buy my hubby a new car b/c our whole marriage he’s driven junk and given me a good car. I'd buy a $250k 4 bdrm home ~2500-3k sq. ft. And all the decor to decorate it modestly. Dark brown leather couches, flat screen TV, Paint for the walls, picture frames that match.  I'd get the kids new beds and a dresser and shelves for their toys and get new linens for the whole family.  Bookshelves. An inexpensive up right piano to assist me in my music development.  A new dining room table with actual nice chairs instead of folding chairs that are falling apart.  I'd pay for my massage license for WA so I could do massages again and have a massage room in my home.  I'd buy a queen bed and linens for a guest bedroom.  I'd buy a BBQ grill, and patio furniture.  I'd get a gym membership or buy weights to do at home and find a personal trainer.  I'd restock my food storage.  I'd find a way to pay this forward, so that I could assist others. 


Why? 
The home is the safe haven from the world.  We've created the emotional and spiritual haven, now I'd like the love and tranquility to manifest in the physical realm so when you come into our home, you feel a sense of peace and safety, and BEAUTY.    We love having people over and want a space big enough that we can have meals and games together.  I love to have our home be the place my kid's and their friends want to hang b/c we have a fun, safe environment for them to play.  I enjoy good health but I want to have the energy and stamina to run and play hard with my kids and future grandkids!  So the weight deserves to come off and stay off!  Plus my hubby deserves to have a Hot Mama next to him! I deserve to pay this forward b/c that's what life is about.  

Why do you deserve to win?

I know who I am as an individual and through out my life I've always looked for opportunities to serve everyone around me.  I truly love and care about people.  I've not needed to wear the latest fashions to feel good about myself or to give me identity.  I've created my own identity by just being me.  I do however deserve to have my inner beauty and personality reflected on the outside of me and in my surroundings.  I like to look good and fashionable.  I would be humbled and honored to be blessed by such an amazing gift and I know of many ways that I can pay it forward.   Thank you for taking the time to read my entry, I hope you enjoyed it.  When given the opportunity whether through this or another means, I truly look forward to meeting you.

Because I love you...

You might think that this is going to be a Valentine's Post since 'tis the season, but nope, that'll be next week! This is about something that's been on my mind for the last couple of weeks.  Its based on my thought...."It takes a strong parent to NOT give a child what they REALLY REALLY want because it doesn't serve them".  Let me elaborate.  I, by my negativity,(if you're not following, I believe that being negative about myself or situation, shows up in my body as illness) had created the perfect "breeding" ground for germs, therefore, I had been sick and then being in such close proximity to Aliya, got her sick.  I don't like to give my kids sugar when they're sick b/c sugar crushes your immune system, so when its already fighting something, I don't want to sabotage it.   But when my child is sick, and I see them suffering and not feeling well, I just melt and want to do anything and everything for them to take care of them and make them feel better.  Well, I had made cookies for our home teachers and had some left over that had been up in the cupboard.  Aliya saw them when I was getting bread out and she really wanted one.  She cried and threw a tantrum. She sounded SO pathetic, I almost gave in.  That's when I realized, I have a belief that I show my love to my family by giving them what they want.  Does anyone else have that same belief?  I started thinking about all of the instances when I let my family do things or have things and because I'm giving them XYZ or letting them do ____(fill in the blank) that I get the "Best Mommy/Wife" button to wear around proudly.  Hmmm....my thinking started going deeper and I thought of times when I didn't let them do what they wanted or have what they wanted and how hard it was for me NOT to give them whatever to make the "happy".  In those instances it was because I knew it would NOT be good for them or serve their bodies.  Again, the spirit must have been working on me b/c I then started thinking about God and his parenting skills.  Me, being in the position of the child and petitioning him for the things that I REALLY REALLY want, or at least THINK I want: I thought of what I had REALLY wanted in the past that would NOT have been good for me or the timing would have been horrible or  I could have been really hurt.  Because of my limited view of eternity, I had felt sorry for myself and felt that maybe I didn't deserve it or that He must not love me or trust me, when in reality, He just knew what was really best for me and would serve me the most and in the end give me the peace and love that I was REALLY asking for. I had to pause and thank him for not "giving in"!  So, using judgment, I get to do what's best for my kids, even when they are screaming, because giving in creates a monster in more than one way!  #1 It teaches that by using their drama, they get what they want. #2 That I care more about what my child thinks of me instead of what actually serves them.  Both of them can be REALLY tough but its worth it in the end...right!? ;)  I'm making slow progress...but I'll take whatever progress I can.  :D             

Christmas Letter 2010

Dear Family and Friends,

     This Christmas has been especially poignant as we reflect on the life of Christ and His Gift of the Atonement.  We have felt His love and light directing us and are so grateful to know that He lives and loves us.

     2010 has been an interesting and exciting year for our family!  We started the year off in January with a job change for Jason that brought him up to the Tri-Cities in WA.  The kids and I joined him in April!  We moved in with our friends, Jacob and Annette Rose and their 3 kids, until our apt came available in June.  We had a lot of fun hanging out with them and getting to know them during that 2 months.  We got the opportunity to travel back to Utah several times this year so that has eased the transition of the move.  We have been very blessed to meet many new people and start great lasting friendships.  We've grown closer together in our marriage and as a family.    Here's a little update on each of us to catch you up on some of the happenings this year.   

     Joshua turned 6 in February and was sad that his Daddy couldn't be there for his birthday, but he got to have his very first friend/family birthday party.  It was a little cold but we did a mock Olympics, and handed out medals for doing 3 legged, animal, and balloon races etc.  Josh was sad to leave his friends in Provo, but in his words "I don't care where I live, as long as its with my Daddy". :D He thought it was great to have "live in" friends and seemed to go through withdrawals when we moved into our apt but it wasn't long before the kids in the apts were coming around and asking him to play.  He started the 1st Grade @ Edison Elementary.  His favorite subjects are recess and P.E..  No surprise there!  He's also excelling in reading and math. Among all the sports that he likes to play, his favorite past time is Hip Hop dancing.  He loves to come home after school and turn the music on and we dance together in our living room.  He's told me that he wants to be a professional dancer when he grows up. My favorite thing to do with him is dance and listen to him read.  He has progressed so quickly, its amazing to watch.  He's so great to do his chores and help around the house.  We are so grateful to have this wonderful boy in our lives!      

     Aliya turned 1 in May.  She's been a handful and a half from the time she was mobile.  She knows what she wants and when she wants it! Which is almost always NOW! :D  She is a very inquisitive and curious one.  She loves to figure out how things work, but especially how things feel or taste...like soap, lotion, sugar, powdered milk and lipstick.  I think we have an artist on our hands because she constantly finger paints with anything she can get her hands on...like lipstick on my bathroom walls and mirrors, soap on the mirrors in the kid's bathroom and just the other day she did a beautiful "hand" painted mural with butter all over my kitchen cupboards.  She has the agility of a monkey.  There doesn't seem to be a place high enough that I can keep things out of her reach without her figuring out a way to climb up to get it.  Though she's into everything, she just melts our hearts with her hugs and kisses.  She will go to practically anyone and give them "loves".  Anyone that I greet and give a hug to, she has to get one too.  Its fun to have her in the grocery store because any time someone passes us, she says, "Hi" to them.  It usually catches them off guard but always gets them to smile.  She loves to dance with her brother, and especially slow dance with me or Daddy by putting her head on our shoulders.  We love our sweet girl!

     Jason worked with Jacob selling Alarm systems door to door for Nationwide Security until December.  He grew a great deal and learned that if he can do that, he can do anything!  It has given him a lot of confidence to be able to do hard things.  December 1st he started working for McCurley's Auto Dealership in sales at the Chevy/Cadillac Dept.  He's always loved cars and is loving it there.  Jason is serving as an Assistant Executive Secretary to the Bishop in our church.  He basically is given names of people to call and invite to speak in church.  His favorite things have been hangin with the kiddos.  He's been getting up in the mornings to be able to spend time with them before Josh goes to school, since they are usually in bed before he gets home from work.  They are both very enamored with their daddy!  I love it!  A new development is that Jason has decided to go back to school and will be attending WSU in the Fall.  He's going into Nursing to be a Nurse Anesthetist.

     Me: This year I have been blessed with a new perspective that I NEVER want to be a single parent!  I got to experience it, or at least in part, while we were in different states for 2 months.  It really made me appreciate all that Jason does for me and what a great support he is.  I loved moving...for the mere point of getting rid of so much stuff!  We still have too much, but its really been great to downsize and simplify.  I miss all of my friends and family in Utah!  Being so far away has  made my heart grow fonder of them.  I have been blessed with wonderful friends through out my life and being here is no exception!  I'm grateful to be surrounded by wonderful women! -One thing I am excited for here is that people seem to be in a more permanent position, so they are not as likely to move!  I get to have a girls night once a month where we chat and eat and laugh and sometimes cry!  Its a great group of women and I feel blessed to be included in their circle.  I've also gone and played volleyball a couple of times  with women in our stake, that has been very enjoyable to get out and do :D  I've had the opportunity to serve in the Young Women as a personal progress leader.  I got to go to Girls Camp which was an amazing experience.  The girls in our ward are just so amazing!  This lasts Sunday I was called to be work in the Primary.  I'm sad that I'm not working with the YW anymore, but I'm excited to teach the 5 year olds!

     We want to thank each of you for the contribution that you have been to us.  We are so blessed to know you and pray that the Lord will continue to bless you in whatever endeavors you are pursuing.  May you each allow the dear Christ to enter into your hearts and homes and be open to the peace He offers.  We love you.  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! 

Love,

Jason, Melanie, Joshua & Aliya Crane    

So a little gift from me to you....just copy and paste the URL in your browser: or click on the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BDBp0VBVyQ

 

    

2010 A Year in Review with Pictures

Josh's 6th Birthday, 1st attempt at making Grandma Carol's cake...failed in comparison, but tasty enough!

GNO Having a Retro Hairstyle Makeover Party!  It was a blast! We were singing the 50's music and eating healthy snacks! I definitely get to do this again here in WA!

One of the sweet Oasis' during the desert times of being a single parent while Jason was living in WA before we moved up, He surprised us by showing up at his Niece's baptism.  It was a tearful reunion!  Just the balm I needed to get through things before we could be reunited permanently.

This little cheeser decided to walk the weekend her daddy surprised us! It was so awesome that daddy didn't have to miss his baby girl's first steps.

She is going to have the brightest teeth!  Her favorite place to be is in the bathroom sink, brushing her teeth!

Celebrating Aliya's 1st Birthday! My 2nd time making a decorative cake.  It was really fun!  I love to bake!
Princess Carriage Cake for our little Princess!

My little mischievous one!  18 mos and climbing out of her crib on top of the dresser where she found the desitin, its been a love affair ever since...when ever she can find it, its in her mouth, on her face and all over her clothes, or the mirrors, ya know whatever looks the funnest!

Got to visit our "new" cousin's, the Oregon Pugmires.  We stayed in Kizi's room and Aliya LOVED this little chair!

While at the Pugmire's we got to go to their barn and see the horses and Josh got to drive the mini 4 wheeler, which he wrecked! Luckily it was more of just a shake up.  A good healthy dose of fear...in the name of being less reckless served its purpose!

Meet Farmer Jonathon and Farmer Jason having fun on the tractor.

2 of the most beautiful Cowgirls I know!

The day I found out that things on the counter or stove were no longer safe, b/c Aliya figured out how to use her high chair as a ladder.  Yes, that is Pure, Sugary, Sticky Syrup that by using the ladle she spilled over the stove, counter top and inbetween all the way down to the floor.  It was SO much fun to clean up!

These are some of the coolest and sweetest girls in the tri-cities.  I'm blessed to call them my friends. This is us in the theater at the VIP showing of New Moon.  Before moving to WA I hadn't even picked up the Twilight books, now I'm a fan. I read the whole series before I went to the show.  ;D

Yeah that's me and I'm totally rock climbing for the first time! I was so excited because I rushed up as far as I could go and I was within a foot of grabbing the bell to ring it, but my legs were so fatigued, they were shaking and I just couldn't stand up to reach it...so I used my rope and pulled myself of with my arms...don't know if that's cheating but it was a great feeling to ring the bell! 

Yes, we have no shame!  This is "Crazy Hair" day at Girls Camp

Our amazing Wingsong Ward Girls!  Such a privilege to work with such amazing girls! The theme for Girls Camp was "Heavenly Ever After".  I had a blast being a leader with the 2nd years, they even got my tush over the 20' wall during the ropes course. -I also pranked the Stake President into thinking I was one of the girls, he asked where I was going to be attending college.  LOL

In August we got to make a family trip to Utah for 3 weeks.  We got to attend some amazing classes and see most of both sides of the family.  Josh loved playing with his cousins.  It was a great trip!

Grandma Crane went out and danced in the rain with Josh. I love the expression on his face!  He's freezing but he's having too much fun to come in and get warm!

Josh is such a great big brother.  He taught Aliya how to ride on his shoulders.  Its one of their favorite things to do.

Josh begged me for him to be a skeleton this year for Halloween.  I'm too cheap to buy costumes, so with my anatomy and drawing skills, I had fun making skeleton costumes for both Josh and Aliya.  I had Josh lay down on an old white sheet to get his outline so it would be the right proportion to his body then drew the bones and cut them out and pinned them to black clothes. :D 

The kids favorite time is SNUGGLE time with Daddy!  They adore him and I love it.

As a family, we paid a tribute to our local fire dept by making brownies for them.  We weren't expecting it, but they gave us a personal tour of the fire trucks and ambulance.  It was really fun.  Aliya kept holding her arms out to the firemen to be held.  It was very sweet. 

Aliya, our fashion queen showing off her latest style.  Maybe we need to do a lesson on Modesty for our next FHE. :D

For Thanksgiving we Celebrated the day with our dear friends here in WA, but after speaking to all the Crane family gathered at Mom and Dad's we just couldn't stand not being there, so with some assistance (THANK YOU! -you know who you are) we were able to surprise the family and spend the rest of the weekend.  Sledding, Games, Food and we got to be a part of our Niece's blessing day.  It was a great trip home!

T'was the Night before Christmas...and we started a new tradition of the kids being able to open one gift, Christmas eve...PAJAMAS!  I always loved this tradition from my fam..so we're keeping it going.

Some of my friends here in WA at the 1st Annual Ugly sweater party!

My hottie at the party wearing my tinsel, cuz I put in on him...he HATES this pic, but I LOVE it! :D

Mansions and Log cabins with Gummy Bear Nativity was a great activity for us to fill up the days before Christmas

This was my little log cabin.  I had quite a bit of fun decorating this!